As I Take MY Last Breath

“When we are motivated by goals that have deep meaning, 
by dreams that need completion, 
by pure love that needs expressing, 
then we truly live life.”
– Greg Anderson

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Okay, where to begin? My life is a jumbled mixture of  everything, as usual. Some nights I am so struck with passion and motivation I can't sleep, and some mornings I spend my time questioning my existence. But I've come to accept my constant searching and questioning as a part of who I am in this life, and there's something actually exciting about it. Wasn't it Socrates who said that an unexamined life was not worth living? I can say I agree with that. (Though it would be nice if I could take a rest on the examining part and get some decent sleep!)

As I write this and glance out at the warm, rainy evening, I'm contemplating the quote I put at the beginning of this post. It resonated strongly with me. It's one of those quotes that strikes so closely to what your heart has been wondering about that it feels like someone has poked you in the chest.

Maybe you've read it before in previous posts, or if you know me even at all you'll know that I have suffered a lot from depression in the past. I can slip into it as easily as a rock sinks through water, and stay there, too. But what I have learned about myself most recently is that for me to be content and inspired, I need to be constantly working toward a goal or plan that has deep meaning for me. Right now that is keeping my main website current, sharing healthy recipes, studying diligently to complete my Bachelor's Degree, and getting up every morning to practice Yoga and meditate. Basically my deep purpose for this life is to share my spiritual experience as a human, however small and insignificant it may be. It is, as always, to be of service to the other beings on our planet. 

I've realized lately that it's very easy for me to slip into doubting my worth and thinking that I have nothing to offer anyone. There are so many people out there that are much wiser and smarter and better-looking than me! But the truth is that we all have our own unique story that no one else can live or share in just the way we can. The divine thing about life is that we are all so perfectly and intimately connected, similar in so many powerful ways, and yet we all have something unique to offer each other. Who am I to say that God somehow messed up and made me unworthy of helping others or sharing my experience? 

And so, like the second part of the quote, I keep pushing forward to complete the dreams that I have burning inside of me. These, naturally, lead to more desires and more dreams and more life. We're never going to "get it done" or "get it perfect." That's something I know I have to accept, because I can get very wrapped up in getting to this fantasy "perfect" place in life where I have everything I want and I'm never restless or desiring anything. I think that's what some people call "death." 

Which leads perfectly to the third part: expressing pure love… the destiny of all beings on Earth. I don't believe in "evil," so I truly think that every being on this planet is doing what they think is right; they're doing the very best they can. So we all think we're doing the right thing, who is to say what is evil and what is not? We're all just expressing our divine selves in all kinds of different ways. 


I feel like if I keep my daily activities geared toward my higher purpose then when it comes time for me to die I won't have any regrets. I'll know that I lived my life to the fullest. That's what I want more than anything… to get to the end of my life and have a peaceful heart as I take my last breath. 

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