It’s not often easy for me to accept it, but the truth is that I can’t avoid loneliness altogether. There will most likely be more periods in my life in the future like this one where I feel out of place and alone, mostly emotionally and spiritually more than physically. But happier and more peaceful times will also come to me again! Life is like the sky – different types of weather cross it every day, rainy and snowy and sunny and windy, and sometimes it may seem like the darker weather will never end. But, eventually, the sky will clear and all will be blue and clear again.
This time in my life is teaching me to recognize loneliness for what it is – a temporary rainstorm that will pass as soon as I take even one small step from my head toward my heart, because in reality none of us are ever truly alone. Within us we each have access to a higher power, a source of goodness from which we all spring. That’s a lot more metaphorical and philosophical sounding than I ever like to talk about anything, but I’m really at a loss of how else to describe it.
Basically, I find that when I consistently check in with myself during the day and honestly ask myself how I feel, what I’m thinking about, and what I need, then I don’t feel so lonely because I’m taking care of myself on an emotional level. This simple task of slowing down, taking several deep breaths, and turning inward to say, What am I feeling anxious about right now? Is it something I can control? (It probably isn’t.) This isn’t something I can control, so I’m going to let my Higher Power take care of it. I’m going to continue on now enjoying my day and being the best person that I can be.
Being kind and attentive to my inner life, now that I am an adult, it’s something I am solely responsible for doing. It’s when I begin to rely on other people to ask me how I am and to remind me that all is well that I feel lonely, because other people aren’t going to do that for me all of the time, and it’s unfair of me to expect that of them. It’s like I’m becoming my own parent. I suppose that’s a big part of growing up.
So if anyone else out there is feeling lonely and out of place, well… Know that you’re not the only one. And when we all start to take care of and be patient with our imperfectly perfect selves, I believe that most of that loneliness will disappear, burned away by the light of our self-love and attention. Then we can truly be free, because we’ll be in a place where we don’t need other people to make us feel safe and loved.
I’m really excited for 2016. I’m excited for my new life chapter and all of the new adventures and friends that I know it will bring. Most of all, I can honestly say that I’m looking forward to getting to know myself in a deeper and more intimate way, and knocking down even more walls that stand between me and God.
I wish you all many peaceful days and nights. Until I write again!
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My first novel and my poetry collection!