Belief But Not Faith
My relationship with my understanding of God is growing daily, but there is still work to be done. (The work is never finished, actually, as Abraham Hicks would say.) It's like I'm paddling a Canoe down a river, and I see a waterfall coming up. I believe I'm going over that waterfall, but I don't have much faith the Canoe is going to save me.
Although when I think about it, comparing the incredible Power of the Universe to a canoe isn't that accurate, because really God is the river, the waterfall and the canoe. So no matter what happens, I end up surrounded by Divine Grace. That's a lovely thought, and one that's important to keep in mind when things don't seem to be going my way. It's easy for me to feel gratitude toward God when life is peaches and cream... Like yesterday, when I got to go to one of the most stunning beaches in Hawai'i, then ate muffins with dates, then had a delicious lunch and dinner, and then got to ride horses down to the ocean at sunset.
It's when life seems to "take a turn for the worse" that I want to be able to find that same peace and gratitude I feel when life's winding roads "take sharp turns for the better." That's true power, being able to have clarity in times of fear, humiliation, or anger. For example, yesterday I had to call a woman and give her an offer on her truck that I wanted to buy. I was incredibly nervous to do this, 1) Because I've never had to negotiate with someone before and 2) I have an underlying and sometimes outlying sense that I am not smart enough to do things on my own.
I was in an outright panic when I was finally told by a very wise person, "Calm down and pray first, then call her." So I actually listened to that good advice and went back outside to do a little more farmwork. I started swinging my pickaxe and before I knew it I was peaceful again. Then that same wise person said "Pray now, then call." So as I picked up my phone I said a quick prayer to God: "God, please have this deal work out in my favor." Okay, I know it's not very poetic, but at the time it was the best I could do. Turns out the lady acceped my offer and I have a beautiful little white truck sitting out in the driveway today! I named him Kimo, and I think he's perfect. He's not fancy like the expensive cars I used to drive, but he's wonderful, and he'll get me where I need to go. Much like God.
I have so much anxiety sometimes about the future, about how I'm going to make money so I can travel and help people and live in a gorgeous house with wood floors and big windows and Egyptian cotton sheets. I know that material things do not bring happiness, but I also don't want to struggle paycheck to paycheck while living in a box. I want to thrive, and I've just got to trust that the Universe will bring me what I need to do the service that is necessary for this world.
Other than that, life is glorious! The weather is sunny and the food here is organic, fresh, and spiced to perfection. I have lost so much weight already, and my skin has cleared up, and I don't have nightmares anymore, or stomaches, and 80% of the day I'm happy, and when I don't feel good it quickly passes. I know enough to know that it's not because of being in Hawai'i that is making me so joyful (although that helps), it's because the schedule is structured but flexible, and the people that live here and pass through here are willing to make their lives better. Whether they're ready or not is the question. The food is healthy and filling, and the lessons that I learn daily about myself and about life in general are irreplacable. I would take the uncertainty of my future to have this Divinely-lived life, than have all the college education and nice cars in the world.
Although when I think about it, comparing the incredible Power of the Universe to a canoe isn't that accurate, because really God is the river, the waterfall and the canoe. So no matter what happens, I end up surrounded by Divine Grace. That's a lovely thought, and one that's important to keep in mind when things don't seem to be going my way. It's easy for me to feel gratitude toward God when life is peaches and cream... Like yesterday, when I got to go to one of the most stunning beaches in Hawai'i, then ate muffins with dates, then had a delicious lunch and dinner, and then got to ride horses down to the ocean at sunset.
It's when life seems to "take a turn for the worse" that I want to be able to find that same peace and gratitude I feel when life's winding roads "take sharp turns for the better." That's true power, being able to have clarity in times of fear, humiliation, or anger. For example, yesterday I had to call a woman and give her an offer on her truck that I wanted to buy. I was incredibly nervous to do this, 1) Because I've never had to negotiate with someone before and 2) I have an underlying and sometimes outlying sense that I am not smart enough to do things on my own.
I was in an outright panic when I was finally told by a very wise person, "Calm down and pray first, then call her." So I actually listened to that good advice and went back outside to do a little more farmwork. I started swinging my pickaxe and before I knew it I was peaceful again. Then that same wise person said "Pray now, then call." So as I picked up my phone I said a quick prayer to God: "God, please have this deal work out in my favor." Okay, I know it's not very poetic, but at the time it was the best I could do. Turns out the lady acceped my offer and I have a beautiful little white truck sitting out in the driveway today! I named him Kimo, and I think he's perfect. He's not fancy like the expensive cars I used to drive, but he's wonderful, and he'll get me where I need to go. Much like God.
I have so much anxiety sometimes about the future, about how I'm going to make money so I can travel and help people and live in a gorgeous house with wood floors and big windows and Egyptian cotton sheets. I know that material things do not bring happiness, but I also don't want to struggle paycheck to paycheck while living in a box. I want to thrive, and I've just got to trust that the Universe will bring me what I need to do the service that is necessary for this world.
Other than that, life is glorious! The weather is sunny and the food here is organic, fresh, and spiced to perfection. I have lost so much weight already, and my skin has cleared up, and I don't have nightmares anymore, or stomaches, and 80% of the day I'm happy, and when I don't feel good it quickly passes. I know enough to know that it's not because of being in Hawai'i that is making me so joyful (although that helps), it's because the schedule is structured but flexible, and the people that live here and pass through here are willing to make their lives better. Whether they're ready or not is the question. The food is healthy and filling, and the lessons that I learn daily about myself and about life in general are irreplacable. I would take the uncertainty of my future to have this Divinely-lived life, than have all the college education and nice cars in the world.
