Everything I've Got
I just got back from an awesome Open Discussion meeting! The topic chosen was about what early sobriety is like and how it improves with time. Plus how the "noise in the mind" is replaced by serenity as time goes on and the program is worked. I shared about how I told my dad I was in AA and getting sober, and about how he didn't react well at all! He told me I wasn't actually an alcoholic. It was one of the most awful feelings I've ever felt after talking to my dad. The tone of voice he talked to me in was like I was a freak or something. I've never wanted to drink so bad as I wanted to after I left home that night. But I'm still sober!
Honestly I feel like I'm a footstep away from a drink, and yet a thousand miles away from a drink at the same time. It's like I'm being dragged along by the seat of my pants. I don't want my sobriety to be like that for long. It's rather uncomfortable, but it sure is exciting.
Every AA meeting I go to gets better and better. I love the feeling of walking into that room and instantly feeling at home and understood. Everyone is so kind and attentive, and they've all been through what I'm going through, and they're willing to go to any lengths to help.
I actually cried in the meeting today, and after the meeting too. I've got some daddy issues, obviously, and all the older guys in the room were so nice to me, saying they understood, they had kids of their own, and that if they were my dad they'd be proud of me. But one of the guys said to give my dad some time and keep talking to him, because "we need to be talked to sometimes." I love and adore my dad so much, and it really makes me sad to think of him being angry and disgusted with me. But I'm going to wait for him to call me.
What I need to focus on now is finding a sponsor ASAP! I really want to start working the Steps. I haven't vibed with anyone yet that's been in the program long enough to sponsor me though. Plus I can't have just anybody be my sponsor; I need a woman that's going to be understanding but very firm with me. I can bullshit with the best of 'em, and if I can get away with it I might.
I know that God is bringing someone to me that can help solidify my sobriety. Every day that I'm sober is another miracle. Like my aunt always says to me,
"Don't give up! The miracle is coming."
Life isn't always easy, but I don't have to drink to cope with it anymore. I want this feeling of freedom I have right now all of the time, and I know drinking will take that away from me. I'll fight for this freedom, I'll fight with everything I've got.
Honestly I feel like I'm a footstep away from a drink, and yet a thousand miles away from a drink at the same time. It's like I'm being dragged along by the seat of my pants. I don't want my sobriety to be like that for long. It's rather uncomfortable, but it sure is exciting.
Every AA meeting I go to gets better and better. I love the feeling of walking into that room and instantly feeling at home and understood. Everyone is so kind and attentive, and they've all been through what I'm going through, and they're willing to go to any lengths to help.
I actually cried in the meeting today, and after the meeting too. I've got some daddy issues, obviously, and all the older guys in the room were so nice to me, saying they understood, they had kids of their own, and that if they were my dad they'd be proud of me. But one of the guys said to give my dad some time and keep talking to him, because "we need to be talked to sometimes." I love and adore my dad so much, and it really makes me sad to think of him being angry and disgusted with me. But I'm going to wait for him to call me.
What I need to focus on now is finding a sponsor ASAP! I really want to start working the Steps. I haven't vibed with anyone yet that's been in the program long enough to sponsor me though. Plus I can't have just anybody be my sponsor; I need a woman that's going to be understanding but very firm with me. I can bullshit with the best of 'em, and if I can get away with it I might.
I know that God is bringing someone to me that can help solidify my sobriety. Every day that I'm sober is another miracle. Like my aunt always says to me,
"Don't give up! The miracle is coming."
Life isn't always easy, but I don't have to drink to cope with it anymore. I want this feeling of freedom I have right now all of the time, and I know drinking will take that away from me. I'll fight for this freedom, I'll fight with everything I've got.
