My Life Is A Kindergarten Space
I've been thinking a lot lately about emotional maturity and what it means to be "mature." I know a lot of people much older than me that act like toddlers, so I don't think age means much except it adds more direct experience. I have this list that my auntie gave me that has twenty attributes of an emotionally mature person.
While I have almost none of the characteristics listed, I read the paper every day and I think it's having a positive effect on me! I don't act maturely all of the time, but now I do some of the time, which is a grand improvement and something I attribute to working the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.
So back to me not being right all the time, which is what I think the first item on the list is about. It reads: "She accepts criticism gratefully, being honestly glad for an oppurtunity to improve." I don't particularly like the word 'criticism' because I think there are some times where people are critiquing me not from wanting to help me but from trying to make themselves look/feel better. Having been on both sides of criticism, in this post I'll be referring to helpful criticism, where the other person is coming from a place of caring about mine and others' wellbeing, not from a place of ego.
To be honest, I do not enjoy having someone else point out that I'm incorrect. This goes from farm work, to office work, to house cleaning, to writing, to Yoga postures! I know that it's rather silly to get so mad if one of my roommates points out that I haven't wiped the kitchen sink down all the way, but I still do get a tightening in my chest, a jump in my gut, that is rather uncomfortable.
It's even worse when I know that I'm doing something wrong when I'm doing it, and then it gets pointed out! Especially with Yoga postures and when writing query letters to magazines. I'm living in a house with four Yoga teachers - it is inevitable that I will not be in proper form at some point and they'll correct me. Perfectly reasonable! They're being helpful! Still, my ego makes a face.
I don't know when this will pass for me. I don't know when I'll be able to be completely grateful for criticism, whether its about my Downward Dog or the way I clean house. All I can do is know that I'm not being personally attacked, because that's what my alcoholic thinking immediately assumes! Then I'm unnecessarily on the defensive and I retaliate with unpleasantness.
I feel like now that I know what I'm doing though, I can change it! Probably today I will get corrected on something, and I will remind myself that God is working through others to improve me in all facets of my life. The people that are currently in my life don't judge me and don't want to hurt me. They want to help me, just like I want to help myself. I can't be awesome at everything all the time! Life is a process, and it's all about practice. I was not born knowing everything (which I sometimes forget) and I thank God for that, because then life would be very, very boring.
While I have almost none of the characteristics listed, I read the paper every day and I think it's having a positive effect on me! I don't act maturely all of the time, but now I do some of the time, which is a grand improvement and something I attribute to working the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.
So back to me not being right all the time, which is what I think the first item on the list is about. It reads: "She accepts criticism gratefully, being honestly glad for an oppurtunity to improve." I don't particularly like the word 'criticism' because I think there are some times where people are critiquing me not from wanting to help me but from trying to make themselves look/feel better. Having been on both sides of criticism, in this post I'll be referring to helpful criticism, where the other person is coming from a place of caring about mine and others' wellbeing, not from a place of ego.
To be honest, I do not enjoy having someone else point out that I'm incorrect. This goes from farm work, to office work, to house cleaning, to writing, to Yoga postures! I know that it's rather silly to get so mad if one of my roommates points out that I haven't wiped the kitchen sink down all the way, but I still do get a tightening in my chest, a jump in my gut, that is rather uncomfortable.
It's even worse when I know that I'm doing something wrong when I'm doing it, and then it gets pointed out! Especially with Yoga postures and when writing query letters to magazines. I'm living in a house with four Yoga teachers - it is inevitable that I will not be in proper form at some point and they'll correct me. Perfectly reasonable! They're being helpful! Still, my ego makes a face.
I don't know when this will pass for me. I don't know when I'll be able to be completely grateful for criticism, whether its about my Downward Dog or the way I clean house. All I can do is know that I'm not being personally attacked, because that's what my alcoholic thinking immediately assumes! Then I'm unnecessarily on the defensive and I retaliate with unpleasantness.
I feel like now that I know what I'm doing though, I can change it! Probably today I will get corrected on something, and I will remind myself that God is working through others to improve me in all facets of my life. The people that are currently in my life don't judge me and don't want to hurt me. They want to help me, just like I want to help myself. I can't be awesome at everything all the time! Life is a process, and it's all about practice. I was not born knowing everything (which I sometimes forget) and I thank God for that, because then life would be very, very boring.
