I was talking to my Sponsor this morning, and she said, "Sounds like you're craving a sense of security. Consider how you can meet this need for yourself, in a small way, just for today."
For a few minutes I was totally stumped on that one. First I laid down on my bed and cried. Then when the tears stopped, I sat up. Then I started cleaning out my truck and tidying up my studio. That always makes me feel better.
Then I slowly and rather painfully started putting together a mental list of some possible things that would bring me feelings of security. Food? No, I just ate. Smoke a cigarette? Yeah, right. Hike? No way! My legs hurt from working four days straight.
That's when I realized what I needed to do.
Growing up is such a funny thing. It feels like just yesterday I was fourteen years old, standing in front of the giant full-length mirror in my dad's bathroom and thinking to myself, '20 is so old. I'll never be 20.'
Yet here I am, two days away from my 21st birthday! I made it, Little Katie, and 20 is not so old. In fact, I feel younger and more inexperienced now than ever before. I almost miss the days when I was 16 and 17 and I was sure I knew everything. Confidence is such a comforting thing.