Obsession
Being an alcoholic, it's so easy for me to get attached and addicted to people, places and things. I get codependent, and obsess over how much I want certain situations to go my way.
I was doing my Step work this afternoon, and I realized when I obsess over problems and people, I way overthink. My ego jumps in and clouds my perception, filling me with fear and blocking my connection to my Higher Power. I go immediately to self will, and I try to use my intellect to "figure out" the problem; how I can make it go the way I want or how I can get someone to act a certain way. I tend to react instead of live each new moment with grace. I am not in the present moment when I'm obsessing, so I have no clarity or power.
Whenever I start to try and "figure out" or obsess, I turn to my God and remember that He has all of the power, knowledge and Love! He is taking care of me, so there's nothing for me to try and protect or get. When I obsess, my personal relationships are damaged, and I end up making bad decisions and then shaming myself for them. Talk about a vicious cycle!
Lately I've found myself constantly thinking about a certain guy, and the annoying farm workers, and how my Yoga teacher training is going to turn out, and blah blah blah blah blah! All kinds of people, places and events that I have absolutely no control over. Truly, the only thing I can control is how hard I work and my positive, hopeful attitude. Both of those I often have trouble with, honestly! Sometimes I feel like being super lazy, and I definitely get fearful and negative.
But these days, when my thoughts take a sick turn, my "recovery voice" kicks in pretty quick. It's this new version of me that has recently taken up residence in my head, and I am extremely grateful for it! It's a kind, calm voice that soothes my burning thoughts and brings me back to balance, or at least somewhere near it. I don't know when that voice appeared, but the Steps and the meetings have been working me, obviously!
My life is changing in big ways. I have many new responsibilities and jobs, my book is nearly ready for printing, I'm dating again, my Yoga teacher training starts in less than two weeks, I'm modeling... did I mention I'm dating again?! That is something I didn't think I would be doing again for a while, but it has appeared in my life and I'm very happy about it, and also petrified at the same time. My auntie always says that God won't bring you to it unless He can bring you through it... my auntie is always right, so I'm going to have faith that I can handle these new aspects of my life.
Everything is new, and I feel like a baby some days. Exciting times!
I was doing my Step work this afternoon, and I realized when I obsess over problems and people, I way overthink. My ego jumps in and clouds my perception, filling me with fear and blocking my connection to my Higher Power. I go immediately to self will, and I try to use my intellect to "figure out" the problem; how I can make it go the way I want or how I can get someone to act a certain way. I tend to react instead of live each new moment with grace. I am not in the present moment when I'm obsessing, so I have no clarity or power.
Whenever I start to try and "figure out" or obsess, I turn to my God and remember that He has all of the power, knowledge and Love! He is taking care of me, so there's nothing for me to try and protect or get. When I obsess, my personal relationships are damaged, and I end up making bad decisions and then shaming myself for them. Talk about a vicious cycle!
Lately I've found myself constantly thinking about a certain guy, and the annoying farm workers, and how my Yoga teacher training is going to turn out, and blah blah blah blah blah! All kinds of people, places and events that I have absolutely no control over. Truly, the only thing I can control is how hard I work and my positive, hopeful attitude. Both of those I often have trouble with, honestly! Sometimes I feel like being super lazy, and I definitely get fearful and negative.
But these days, when my thoughts take a sick turn, my "recovery voice" kicks in pretty quick. It's this new version of me that has recently taken up residence in my head, and I am extremely grateful for it! It's a kind, calm voice that soothes my burning thoughts and brings me back to balance, or at least somewhere near it. I don't know when that voice appeared, but the Steps and the meetings have been working me, obviously!
My life is changing in big ways. I have many new responsibilities and jobs, my book is nearly ready for printing, I'm dating again, my Yoga teacher training starts in less than two weeks, I'm modeling... did I mention I'm dating again?! That is something I didn't think I would be doing again for a while, but it has appeared in my life and I'm very happy about it, and also petrified at the same time. My auntie always says that God won't bring you to it unless He can bring you through it... my auntie is always right, so I'm going to have faith that I can handle these new aspects of my life.
Everything is new, and I feel like a baby some days. Exciting times!
