But I go to the AA meetings and I look around, and I listen to people share, and I talk to them after the meeting, and I can't help but to see that glow that I have seen only on the faces of little children and on the faces of people in recovery. A healthy, sober, clean, hopeful, confident shining in the eyes that is a constant promise that one day I too will have confidence in my God.

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When I broke away from my family's disease and from their expectations of me, it was like a 10 ton weight was lifted from my chest. I could finally be my own person and make my own life choices, and even though my family tries to tell me I don't have a drinking problem, I know I do, and I have the freedom to admit that and to do something about it! Although now that I am sober, I don't have a "drinking and drug problem"... I have a spiritual malady, which is the root of all addiction anyway.

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But when I give the uncontrollable aspects of my life to my God, my Higher Power as I understand Him, well... then I have the time and brain space to have fun and be of service to other people. All I had to do was be a tiny  bit willing to believe in a Higher Power that can beautify me inside and out, and BAM! The doorway to faith and peace opened a little wider and I slipped my nose in.

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That's all different now. I can't control how anyone acts, or what the weather is like, or how the animals behave, or the way the tides change, but I can be willing to ask for help, for love, for honesty, for a hug... Divine or human. The Universe is an amazing, beautiful, powerful, unlimited Source of Energy, and that is what I wish to depend on and call on for patience and courage, especially as I transition into Step 4.

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How often do you feel beautiful? How often do you feel genuinely joyful? Content? Satisfied? Fulfilled? How often do you feel the entire changing, thriving, incredible force of the Universe residing within you? How often do you stand outside in nothing but a towel and let the night wind blow across you with the Milky Way dancing above your head?


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I know that material things do not bring happiness, but I also don't want to struggle paycheck to paycheck while living in a box. I want to thrive, and I've just got to trust that the Universe will bring me what I need to do the service that is necessary for this world.

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Here at Hale Pule there's no temptation of alcohol of course, and my days consist of working on the farm in the mornings and writing in the afternoon. I'm very busy from the time I wake up at 4:30 am until I finally lay down to sleep. I haven't bought a vehicle yet either so I don't know anyone outside of AA. Which is just fine with me! I love being in this peaceful place and meditating every morning before yoga practice and a breakfast of fresh fruit.

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