The Fact That I'm Alive
I've found over the past month of working the Steps that only by getting my thoughts and emotions down on paper am I able to make true, deep realizations and conclusions about myself and my behavior. I think it's because when its down on paper I can see the evidence in front of me. Writing every day was especially potent for me when I had to write down my drinking history and all the situations that should have resulted in my death. (Driving drunk, cocaine in Europe, etc.)
Just thought alone in my head is a dangerous thing because my weak mind is easily warped. My thoughts are like puffing the fluffy white seeds off of a dandelion; any upsetting situation can blow right through me and scatter me to the four corners of the Earth. But for me writing has always been a huge part of my life and the way I work through decisions and difficulties. Just thinking my way through life hasn't gotten me much peace or God-connection, so every day I write. Having my truth down on paper keeps me sober because it's much more difficult for me to ignore my own written facts, assumptions, and history. It's also a powerful way for me to connect, heal, and recover, especially since I direct almost all of my writing as a letter to my God. Which isn't always easy, let me tell you! Especially for me in the beginning, and even now I notice that my thoughts don't automatically go to my God, and I'm still not totally sure about what my God looks like or is, I suppose.
But I go to the AA meetings and I look around, and I listen to people share, and I talk to them after the meeting, and I can't help but to see that glow that I have seen only on the faces of little children and on the faces of people in recovery. A healthy, sober, clean, hopeful, confident shining in the eyes that is a constant promise that one day I too will have confidence in my God.
Just as a little tip, I'd recommend buying a cool-looking notebook and a pen with lots of ink or a pencil finely sharpened, and take a look around... and inside. You'll be surprised at what you find, I can promise you that. One of my favorite things to do is to create a balance sheet. On one side list all the reasons you can for believing in (your) God. On the other side, list all the reasons for disbelieving.
I have less reasons and evidence to disbelieve in my Higher Power every day. The fact that I'm alive and even remotely pleasant to be around is a miracle in and of itself. Try giving your problems and fears to the Universe today, watch them float up and out of your body and go to a place where All Is Known. Namaste!
Just thought alone in my head is a dangerous thing because my weak mind is easily warped. My thoughts are like puffing the fluffy white seeds off of a dandelion; any upsetting situation can blow right through me and scatter me to the four corners of the Earth. But for me writing has always been a huge part of my life and the way I work through decisions and difficulties. Just thinking my way through life hasn't gotten me much peace or God-connection, so every day I write. Having my truth down on paper keeps me sober because it's much more difficult for me to ignore my own written facts, assumptions, and history. It's also a powerful way for me to connect, heal, and recover, especially since I direct almost all of my writing as a letter to my God. Which isn't always easy, let me tell you! Especially for me in the beginning, and even now I notice that my thoughts don't automatically go to my God, and I'm still not totally sure about what my God looks like or is, I suppose.
But I go to the AA meetings and I look around, and I listen to people share, and I talk to them after the meeting, and I can't help but to see that glow that I have seen only on the faces of little children and on the faces of people in recovery. A healthy, sober, clean, hopeful, confident shining in the eyes that is a constant promise that one day I too will have confidence in my God.
Just as a little tip, I'd recommend buying a cool-looking notebook and a pen with lots of ink or a pencil finely sharpened, and take a look around... and inside. You'll be surprised at what you find, I can promise you that. One of my favorite things to do is to create a balance sheet. On one side list all the reasons you can for believing in (your) God. On the other side, list all the reasons for disbelieving.
I have less reasons and evidence to disbelieve in my Higher Power every day. The fact that I'm alive and even remotely pleasant to be around is a miracle in and of itself. Try giving your problems and fears to the Universe today, watch them float up and out of your body and go to a place where All Is Known. Namaste!
