The Greatest STar-Crossed Love Affair
I've been thinking about the 12 Steps lately, and the incredible impact they've had on my life. They seem so simple and common sense that I feel like a lot of people pass right over them. But don't be fooled by their simplicity, because it hides a depth that is unfathomable.
For me, the 12 Steps is about becoming more on a day-to-day, moment-to-moment basis. The Steps help me see where I can improve, where I can uncover more gratitude, and where I am keeping God out and where I am letting God in. The Steps are a mirror, which I sometimes have the greatest difficulty looking into. There are a lot of things about myself that I don't want to face. I experience emotions and thoughts that bring me great shame, and that I don't want anyone else to know. But I've also taken many giant leaps of faith with my Sponsors, in meetings, and in my own home, by sharing some of what goes on inside me, and trusting that the people I now surround myself with will love me and accept me no matter what... And also learning to trust that my Higher Power will be there regardless of what anyone else thinks about me or does to me.
The 12 Steps keep me busy loving myself and loving others, so that I have far less time to build resentments. While I search within myself using the principles of recovery, my God brings me deeper understanding of how I came to be the way I am. Then I can connect to my inner knowingness and have the openness to receive solutions to my problems from the Universe. The Steps are just another way for my Higher Power to talk to me.
When I think about it, my God and I have the greatest star-crossed love affair of all time. All day I'm distracted with fears and resentments, and all day and all night, my Higher Power is sending me gifts, blessings, and sweet whispers of Love, trying to get my attention. I am sent three meals a day of healthy food, tucked into bed every night in a safe, warm house beneath ancient misty mountains. My Higher Power makes sure the wind carries to me the sound of the surf pounding on the shore, and I am surrounded all the time by people that love me. Just writing all of this out inspires me to spend less time in my head, and more time appreciating the details of this existence that I have stumbled into.
That's one of the many special things about the Steps. They bring me out of old negative thought patterns and into the Light of reality. They help me to see God everywhere in everything. They help me to see the unity and beauty that surround me daily. There's so much in the news lately that is nothing but greed, hate, and lies... It hurts me just to think of it.
But it only takes a moment, and I go inside myself to seek out the Light that I feel burning in the center of my being. This Light keeps me going on this spiritual path that often feels like too much for me. I feel overwhelmed by the fear that resides inside me like an eel in a cave. The Steps are sometimes painful for me because I want to hide. I am often so afraid of what others will think of me - although lately, I care less and less. Lately, I care more and more what I think of me.
My recovery is my Higher Power giving me a second chance at learning how to live a life of balance, sweetness and service, so I can help a lot of people and then pass easily from this life to the next. Which I believe all comes back to having a sense of Self - a sense that I am more than the craving to drink or the resentment I feel for someone... I find peace in the sense that I am a part of something magical, beautiful, all-good and all-powerful.
The Steps have also helped me to live more in the present, and act from a true place of spontaneity. Not the drunken idiocy of my using days, that's not what I'm talking about. I mean living spontaneously from the heart, when an emotion rises in me and I express myself immediately, without fear of the "consequences." I cry when I feel sad, or laugh loudly when something is funny, or hug someone when it feels like the right time. When I'm in the moment, I do what needs to be done - I do the next right thing. And somehow I've survived and thrived without a drink or a drug for the past year and a half.
I daily ask my Higher Power for help. I always need it. I need help in handling the tragedies and goodness that this sober life brings me - I need Divine help.
For me, the 12 Steps is about becoming more on a day-to-day, moment-to-moment basis. The Steps help me see where I can improve, where I can uncover more gratitude, and where I am keeping God out and where I am letting God in. The Steps are a mirror, which I sometimes have the greatest difficulty looking into. There are a lot of things about myself that I don't want to face. I experience emotions and thoughts that bring me great shame, and that I don't want anyone else to know. But I've also taken many giant leaps of faith with my Sponsors, in meetings, and in my own home, by sharing some of what goes on inside me, and trusting that the people I now surround myself with will love me and accept me no matter what... And also learning to trust that my Higher Power will be there regardless of what anyone else thinks about me or does to me.
The 12 Steps keep me busy loving myself and loving others, so that I have far less time to build resentments. While I search within myself using the principles of recovery, my God brings me deeper understanding of how I came to be the way I am. Then I can connect to my inner knowingness and have the openness to receive solutions to my problems from the Universe. The Steps are just another way for my Higher Power to talk to me.
When I think about it, my God and I have the greatest star-crossed love affair of all time. All day I'm distracted with fears and resentments, and all day and all night, my Higher Power is sending me gifts, blessings, and sweet whispers of Love, trying to get my attention. I am sent three meals a day of healthy food, tucked into bed every night in a safe, warm house beneath ancient misty mountains. My Higher Power makes sure the wind carries to me the sound of the surf pounding on the shore, and I am surrounded all the time by people that love me. Just writing all of this out inspires me to spend less time in my head, and more time appreciating the details of this existence that I have stumbled into.
That's one of the many special things about the Steps. They bring me out of old negative thought patterns and into the Light of reality. They help me to see God everywhere in everything. They help me to see the unity and beauty that surround me daily. There's so much in the news lately that is nothing but greed, hate, and lies... It hurts me just to think of it.
But it only takes a moment, and I go inside myself to seek out the Light that I feel burning in the center of my being. This Light keeps me going on this spiritual path that often feels like too much for me. I feel overwhelmed by the fear that resides inside me like an eel in a cave. The Steps are sometimes painful for me because I want to hide. I am often so afraid of what others will think of me - although lately, I care less and less. Lately, I care more and more what I think of me.
My recovery is my Higher Power giving me a second chance at learning how to live a life of balance, sweetness and service, so I can help a lot of people and then pass easily from this life to the next. Which I believe all comes back to having a sense of Self - a sense that I am more than the craving to drink or the resentment I feel for someone... I find peace in the sense that I am a part of something magical, beautiful, all-good and all-powerful.
The Steps have also helped me to live more in the present, and act from a true place of spontaneity. Not the drunken idiocy of my using days, that's not what I'm talking about. I mean living spontaneously from the heart, when an emotion rises in me and I express myself immediately, without fear of the "consequences." I cry when I feel sad, or laugh loudly when something is funny, or hug someone when it feels like the right time. When I'm in the moment, I do what needs to be done - I do the next right thing. And somehow I've survived and thrived without a drink or a drug for the past year and a half.
I daily ask my Higher Power for help. I always need it. I need help in handling the tragedies and goodness that this sober life brings me - I need Divine help.
