The Way To Peace Found Me
I never fully comprehended the beauty of prayer until this morning.
You see, I've been waking up every morning with thoughts in my head screaming and yelling from the moment I open my eyes. I just noticed it when I moved here, but I think that's because I didn't see my loud thoughts as troublesome until I had to sit with them in silence for an hour during my daily morning meditation.
I've been very disturbed by this and have brought it up several times to my spiritual teacher. I figured after this long living the way we do here, my mind would be still as a mountain lake, especially after 7 or 8 hours of deep, well-deserved sleep.
Finally, last night, my spiritual teacher asked me if I had a prayer I said every night. A... prayer? I mean, I have been praying every single day since I got to the farm, and since I got sober back in December 2011. But honestly, most of my prayers have been asking my Higher Power for more help, more money, more peace, more patience, more "spiritual progress"... basically more perfection.
I've spent my whole life being obsessed with perfection inside of being wholeheartedly in my present moment, in the unique place and person I am... now. I've always been trying to get "somewhere else" to be "somebody better." This has created a lot of misery in my life, and I think I'm ready to be done with it. I want to be wholeheartedly me, whoever that may be. I'm still creating that, every single day.
My teacher told me to pick a prayer that I would say every single day. She said to pick a prayer that was something I would like to become, and a prayer that reminded me of my God. So I chose a prayer I would say in the morning right after I woke up, and a prayer I would say right before I went to sleep.
My morning prayer reads like this:
God, grant me the Serenity
To accept the things I cannot change...
Courage to change the things I can,
And Wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as the pathway to peace.
Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it.
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His will.
That I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with Him forever in the next.
Amen.
I chose this prayer because the opening 4 lines are said at every AA meeting, and it basically embodies the way to peace. I know that the spiritual path is often challenging because it's not always easy to face the truth and face intense emotions. But like it says, hardship is the way to peace. I must accept who I am in this moment and who others are too, because I can't control every aspect of life. But my God can... and I make it more enjoyable for myself when I surrender to the flow of my glorious life.
The prayer I read at night goes like this:
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury,pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying to self that we are born to eternal life.
I mean... Wow. I teared up just reading it. This prayer helps me because it reminds me to get out of my own selfish thoughts. At first I said, "Honestly I think more about what other people are doing than about me!" I quickly realized that I was being selfish even when thinking of others... because most of the time when I was focusing on other people, I was being annoyed and wanting to change them to irritate me less. This prayer says to me, "Hey, Katie, wake up! This is God talking. We have created a beautiful life together, and you have no reason to fear because I am taking care of you. Know this, and be at peace. All is well. Go out into the world and be an example of my Love, so that others may see My Light through you." It's a prayer of surrender for me... a surrender to the call of life.
I am doing my best every day to answer.
You see, I've been waking up every morning with thoughts in my head screaming and yelling from the moment I open my eyes. I just noticed it when I moved here, but I think that's because I didn't see my loud thoughts as troublesome until I had to sit with them in silence for an hour during my daily morning meditation.
I've been very disturbed by this and have brought it up several times to my spiritual teacher. I figured after this long living the way we do here, my mind would be still as a mountain lake, especially after 7 or 8 hours of deep, well-deserved sleep.
Finally, last night, my spiritual teacher asked me if I had a prayer I said every night. A... prayer? I mean, I have been praying every single day since I got to the farm, and since I got sober back in December 2011. But honestly, most of my prayers have been asking my Higher Power for more help, more money, more peace, more patience, more "spiritual progress"... basically more perfection.
I've spent my whole life being obsessed with perfection inside of being wholeheartedly in my present moment, in the unique place and person I am... now. I've always been trying to get "somewhere else" to be "somebody better." This has created a lot of misery in my life, and I think I'm ready to be done with it. I want to be wholeheartedly me, whoever that may be. I'm still creating that, every single day.
My teacher told me to pick a prayer that I would say every single day. She said to pick a prayer that was something I would like to become, and a prayer that reminded me of my God. So I chose a prayer I would say in the morning right after I woke up, and a prayer I would say right before I went to sleep.
My morning prayer reads like this:
God, grant me the Serenity
To accept the things I cannot change...
Courage to change the things I can,
And Wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as the pathway to peace.
Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it.
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His will.
That I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with Him forever in the next.
Amen.
I chose this prayer because the opening 4 lines are said at every AA meeting, and it basically embodies the way to peace. I know that the spiritual path is often challenging because it's not always easy to face the truth and face intense emotions. But like it says, hardship is the way to peace. I must accept who I am in this moment and who others are too, because I can't control every aspect of life. But my God can... and I make it more enjoyable for myself when I surrender to the flow of my glorious life.
The prayer I read at night goes like this:
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury,pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying to self that we are born to eternal life.
I mean... Wow. I teared up just reading it. This prayer helps me because it reminds me to get out of my own selfish thoughts. At first I said, "Honestly I think more about what other people are doing than about me!" I quickly realized that I was being selfish even when thinking of others... because most of the time when I was focusing on other people, I was being annoyed and wanting to change them to irritate me less. This prayer says to me, "Hey, Katie, wake up! This is God talking. We have created a beautiful life together, and you have no reason to fear because I am taking care of you. Know this, and be at peace. All is well. Go out into the world and be an example of my Love, so that others may see My Light through you." It's a prayer of surrender for me... a surrender to the call of life.
I am doing my best every day to answer.
