Who Am I?
The people I live with annoy the shit out of me sometimes. Do I love all of them dearly? Yes, without a doubt in my mind. Do we have many moments of laughter and joy in companionship? Yes! But they also have certain habits and quirks that are each unique and each drive me nuts.
In 12 Step programs, there's a saying that goes, "If you can spot it, you've got it!" I hated that phrase before I understood the gifts that self knowledge could bring me. I think I've begun to fully see what it means when "someone annoys me." I put that in quotation marks because I'm learning through my Yoga studies/Step work that outside influences can only have an effect on my peace of mind if I let them.
I had a really emotional day yesterday. I had a minor confrontation with one of the people living here temporarily, and afterward I went to the banana patch and had a good long cry on my pick ax. I felt angry the person had attacked me and ashamed because I had reacted instead of walking away or taking a neutral approach. Somehow, the Steps have been working me, because I owned my part in it. I cried some more then, about everything in my life from the spices being off in my cooking to how overwhelmed I felt by all the projects I'm working on right now.
But somewhere in all the bullshit, my Higher Power raised His voice (or maybe I lowered mine) and He spoke, and I heard. I had a sudden feeling of security, a powerful knowing that although I have a physical body and I have human emotions, I am Spirit. I am very safe in my own Self, and I'll reap the emotional benefits of that safety if I remove my nose from others' opinions, beliefs, lifestyles, etc.
I woke up today with a slight sense of apprehension, because one of my roommates does something really annoying every morning. I knew I had a big emotional shift yesterday, but I wasn't sure if it had stuck. I walked into the Yoga studio at 5 am, and prepared myself for chanting and meditation. My roommate was slightly late, which used to drive me nuts and I would obsess over my anger the whole meditation.
But today, I started the chanting, and went into my Pranayama breathwork. I took my focus off of her, and put it on me. I breathed in deeply, and acknowledged that I felt angry. I said to myself, "I feel angry, but who am I?"
Someone replied, and He said, "Me."
In 12 Step programs, there's a saying that goes, "If you can spot it, you've got it!" I hated that phrase before I understood the gifts that self knowledge could bring me. I think I've begun to fully see what it means when "someone annoys me." I put that in quotation marks because I'm learning through my Yoga studies/Step work that outside influences can only have an effect on my peace of mind if I let them.
I had a really emotional day yesterday. I had a minor confrontation with one of the people living here temporarily, and afterward I went to the banana patch and had a good long cry on my pick ax. I felt angry the person had attacked me and ashamed because I had reacted instead of walking away or taking a neutral approach. Somehow, the Steps have been working me, because I owned my part in it. I cried some more then, about everything in my life from the spices being off in my cooking to how overwhelmed I felt by all the projects I'm working on right now.
But somewhere in all the bullshit, my Higher Power raised His voice (or maybe I lowered mine) and He spoke, and I heard. I had a sudden feeling of security, a powerful knowing that although I have a physical body and I have human emotions, I am Spirit. I am very safe in my own Self, and I'll reap the emotional benefits of that safety if I remove my nose from others' opinions, beliefs, lifestyles, etc.
I woke up today with a slight sense of apprehension, because one of my roommates does something really annoying every morning. I knew I had a big emotional shift yesterday, but I wasn't sure if it had stuck. I walked into the Yoga studio at 5 am, and prepared myself for chanting and meditation. My roommate was slightly late, which used to drive me nuts and I would obsess over my anger the whole meditation.
But today, I started the chanting, and went into my Pranayama breathwork. I took my focus off of her, and put it on me. I breathed in deeply, and acknowledged that I felt angry. I said to myself, "I feel angry, but who am I?"
Someone replied, and He said, "Me."
