Writing With A Broken HEart
Recently I have to frequently remind myself that God is everywhere, in everything and everyone. I heard recently about a twenty-year old man killing twenty-six people, most of them Kindergarteners. I don't ever look at the news or have the desire to, but I saw the story on Facebook and I couldn't stop reading.
I don't feel anger or hate toward Adam Lanza, the shooter. I can't get it out of my head that he was only twenty! That's just a year older than me. That's incredibly young. I'm not defending his actions in any way, but I feel compassion for him. I know what it feels like to want to kill somebody, to be so angry and hurt that extreme violence seems like the only answer, the only way to escape the unbearable agony.
I'm lucky to have found the 12 Steps, because without them, I would have committed extreme violence too. It probably would have been me killing myself instead of others, but I'll never know, thank God. Although when I think about it, I was so wrapped up in my own pain and selfishness, I really did do violent things. I yelled, fought, drove drunk, cut myself, lied, stole, cheated, beat my fists on wood until they bruised... Who is to say what sin is worse than another?
The hardest part for me about these kinds of stories are the pictures of the parents after they find out what's happened to their child. Hands cupped over their open mouths, eyes squeezed shut in a silent scream, knees buckling... I can feel their racing hearts, the heavy ache in their chest that makes the ground seem like the only option, their mind momentarily stilled in that brief moment that takes place just after bad news is heard, and right before the agony sets in. I know that moment, and there's probably not a single person involved in the shooting today that didn't feel that pain, including Adam Lanza.
I'm a regular, average person. But I really want to dedicate the rest of my years helping young people to reach out, get clarity and realize they're in Hell and that it is entirely possible to do a 180 degree turn. I did it, and I know others can too. I believe that everyone has their bottom: a point where there are two choices: life or death.
I'm glad that I chose life.
I don't feel anger or hate toward Adam Lanza, the shooter. I can't get it out of my head that he was only twenty! That's just a year older than me. That's incredibly young. I'm not defending his actions in any way, but I feel compassion for him. I know what it feels like to want to kill somebody, to be so angry and hurt that extreme violence seems like the only answer, the only way to escape the unbearable agony.
I'm lucky to have found the 12 Steps, because without them, I would have committed extreme violence too. It probably would have been me killing myself instead of others, but I'll never know, thank God. Although when I think about it, I was so wrapped up in my own pain and selfishness, I really did do violent things. I yelled, fought, drove drunk, cut myself, lied, stole, cheated, beat my fists on wood until they bruised... Who is to say what sin is worse than another?
The hardest part for me about these kinds of stories are the pictures of the parents after they find out what's happened to their child. Hands cupped over their open mouths, eyes squeezed shut in a silent scream, knees buckling... I can feel their racing hearts, the heavy ache in their chest that makes the ground seem like the only option, their mind momentarily stilled in that brief moment that takes place just after bad news is heard, and right before the agony sets in. I know that moment, and there's probably not a single person involved in the shooting today that didn't feel that pain, including Adam Lanza.
I'm a regular, average person. But I really want to dedicate the rest of my years helping young people to reach out, get clarity and realize they're in Hell and that it is entirely possible to do a 180 degree turn. I did it, and I know others can too. I believe that everyone has their bottom: a point where there are two choices: life or death.
I'm glad that I chose life.
