"Yet."
I learn so much in one week here I always have trouble deciding what to write about. So then I procrastinate. But I do get the words out eventually! Right now I'm on Step 3 in AA, and let me tell you, working the first two Steps has already changed my life, because it has changed my thinking... little by little, day by day. So at first I think I'm not changing at all, and then I'll notice myself handling life in a slightly more positive, more sane way. This is a beautiful thing.
How often do you feel beautiful? How often do you feel genuinely joyful? Content? Satisfied? Fulfilled? How often do you feel the entire changing, thriving, incredible force of the Universe residing within you? How often do you stand outside in nothing but a towel and let the night wind blow across you with the Milky Way dancing above your head?
This is the life I live now, and while it has extremely difficult moments, it is filled with happiness, and that happiness comes not from living in Hawai'i, but from being free of drinking and drugs and indiscriminate sex and eating badly. I know that I have only scraped the surface of life! Getting sober is only a small part of it all, the next part is rooting out all the egotistical, negative, limited habits in me so I can live without any fear or any inhibitions.
I want to be a nicer person. I know I'm such a shithead when I let myself think negatively! And I don't want to be. I'm embaressed about how I used to act and how I still act sometimes. I want to be a harder worker and not whine or complain. I want to be a great person, someone that helps millions of people. That's what life is about for me right now: Coming to believe that a power greater than myself can return me to sanity. One of my assignments this week was to list all the reasons for believing in God, and all the reasons to disbelieve. So for the believing part I listed all the times I should have been dead... they are a lot! Cocaine in a strange hotel in Greece, driving drunk and/or in the car with someone intoxicated... I've been lucky to have never overdosed or attacked by a shark or raped when I was in situations where all three were possible.
In the place to list all the reasons to disbelieve, all I could come up with is that I've never seen an angel or an alien or God. When I voiced this out loud, the immediate response was, "Yet."
How often do you feel beautiful? How often do you feel genuinely joyful? Content? Satisfied? Fulfilled? How often do you feel the entire changing, thriving, incredible force of the Universe residing within you? How often do you stand outside in nothing but a towel and let the night wind blow across you with the Milky Way dancing above your head?
This is the life I live now, and while it has extremely difficult moments, it is filled with happiness, and that happiness comes not from living in Hawai'i, but from being free of drinking and drugs and indiscriminate sex and eating badly. I know that I have only scraped the surface of life! Getting sober is only a small part of it all, the next part is rooting out all the egotistical, negative, limited habits in me so I can live without any fear or any inhibitions.
I want to be a nicer person. I know I'm such a shithead when I let myself think negatively! And I don't want to be. I'm embaressed about how I used to act and how I still act sometimes. I want to be a harder worker and not whine or complain. I want to be a great person, someone that helps millions of people. That's what life is about for me right now: Coming to believe that a power greater than myself can return me to sanity. One of my assignments this week was to list all the reasons for believing in God, and all the reasons to disbelieve. So for the believing part I listed all the times I should have been dead... they are a lot! Cocaine in a strange hotel in Greece, driving drunk and/or in the car with someone intoxicated... I've been lucky to have never overdosed or attacked by a shark or raped when I was in situations where all three were possible.
In the place to list all the reasons to disbelieve, all I could come up with is that I've never seen an angel or an alien or God. When I voiced this out loud, the immediate response was, "Yet."
